“Who do people say I am?”  (Mark 8:27b)

Imagine the scene.  You’re meeting a friend at Starbucks and no sooner have you sat down with your Chai Tea Latte, soy, no water and 5 pumps and she says to you, “So, what are people saying about me?”

After you have burned your tongue, you might say, “What are you talking about?”

“Well, you know.  I think people are talking about me.  What are they saying?”

You’d have some serious concerns for your friend.  And then, if you’re a good friend, you’d ask her more questions, try to figure out what she’s talking about without buying into gossip or allowing her to go there, encourage her that it doesn’t matter what people are saying, remind her that her identity is rooted and grounded in Jesus.  You might even pray right there in Starbucks.

But the problem here is that the person asking this question is Jesus.  Hanging out with his disciples, walking through the Caesarean countryside, Jesus asked, “Who do people say that I am?”

Is Jesus having an identity crisis?  A little paranoid perhaps?  Does he need an intervention from well-meaning friends to help him discover who he truly is?

Jesus didn’t ask the question because he needed to know what people were saying about him or was trying to shape himself according to other’s gossip.  His identity was not at all dependent upon who “they” said that he was.  Jesus asked the question because our identity depends on who we say that he is.

Bill and I are getting ready, for the first time, to send six of our seven kids to school – three to high school, two to middle school, and one to elementary school.  You better believe some of them are already considering this question, “Who do people say that I am?”

What do they think about me?  Do they say I’m pretty?  Do they think I’m too small?   Do they think I’m a goody-goody?  What are people saying about me?  What have they heard about me?  Will I be smart enough?  Will I be too smart?

You know the questions.  Most likely you asked them yourself.  Perhaps, if you’re honest enough,  you’re still asking them.

As they walk along the dusty road, I see Jesus stopping, turning to each one of them, looking them right in the eyes, deep into their hearts, and asking, “But who do you say that I am.”

And here’s the question for us and for our children.  Who do you say Jesus is?

“(A)s soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water’s edge, the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away …. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho. The priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firm on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan, while all Israel passed by until the whole nation had completed the crossing on dry ground.”  Joshua 3:15b-17 (NIV)

A year ago, I shared a park bench with Tamara.

Children hand-over-handed in the playground  behind us as Tamara told me about a little girl who she loved more than life itself.

This little girl was born in a Ukrainian hospital weighing in at just over two pounds.  Her mother abandoned her in the hospital and hasn’t been seen since.  Tamara and her husband decided to take this little girl, their granddaughter, home and raise her as their own.

A year later, Tamara’s husband died and with it died Tamara’s dreams of building a house in the Ukrainian countryside and spending her summers tending sunflowers with her granddaughter.

Five years later, Tamara was a widow with increasing health problems and decreasing ability to provide for herself or her granddaughter.  Occasionally she still visited the land in the country, picked sunflowers, and sat in the sun. But, more often she worried about  her granddaughter’s future.  Without another option, she did the unthinkable and placed her granddaughter in an orphanage.  Tamara knew that the older girls are not so easily adopted, and God forbid her granddaughter should age out of the orphanage and become prey for the traffickers.  By placing her in the orphanage at six years of age, Tamara radically increased the likelihood that she would be adopted.

A year ago, I shared a park bench with Tamara as she told me about her granddaughter, Katya.

Today, Katya is 100% my daughter.

This summer she has played at the beach, in the mountains, with cousins, and with friends.  She’s passed the swim test at our city pool and jumped off the diving board.  She’s spent hours at the library, playing Polly Pockets, and giving shots to her doll, Kirsten.  This week, we are putting together a care package to send to Tamara.  It’s filled with photos of Katya’s past nine months, letters and pictures from all the children, and jewelry that Katya made for her grandmother.

Perhaps you’re like Bill and me.  We didn’t start our marriage knowing that we wanted to adopt.  Instead, we birthed six children and said to each other, “We’re open to adoption.” But we doubted God would take us up on it.

I loved what a dear friend of ours preached on Sunday, “When God gets ready for you to take a new step, it will always be in line with what he’s been doing.”

God gave Bill and me a heart for children.  He gave us a little tribe of our own.  He gave us passion to see a mighty army of kingdom warriors raised up through families and nurtured in the local church.  And, in the process of raising our tribe and caring for others, he stirred our heart for the fatherless.  He gave us the opportunity to travel to Ukraine and visit orphans.

Then he quickly brought Katya to our home for three weeks.

Three and a half months later, we were ready to welcome Katya into our home, not as our guest, but as our daughter.

This “new step” was right in line with what God had been doing in our hearts and lives for years.

Are you at a time of “new step?”  We are.  We really are.  We don’t even yet see what the step is.  But we trust that God who has led us thus far, will continue to lead us into the future.   And our “new step” will be right in line with what he’s already been doing.

The Israelite priests stood on the edge of a raging river.  Balancing the very presence of God in a gold-covered box, they stood on the edge of the Jordan.  For forty years God had been preparing the nation of Israel for this moment.  Forty years before, their fathers had seen God part the waters of the Red Sea and lead them through on dry ground consuming an army of Egyptians behind them.  Now, it was their turn.  I wish I could have seen the resolve on the faces of these priests as they dipped their big toes into the river, one with a pole in his right, the other with a pole in his left.  I wish I could see them nodding at one another, turning their gaze forward, and taking that first step.  I wish I could have seen their eyes widen as the waters began to pile up, and up, and up.  I wish I could have seen their joy as tribe after tribe swirled around them crossing into the Promised Land.

Their step into the Jordan was right in line with what God had been doing.

A year ago, I shared a park bench with Tamara.  Today the little girl she loved and released is my daughter, right in line with what God had already been doing.

What has he been doing in your life?  In your heart?

Two years ago, God invited us to visit orphans in their distress.  He brought an orphan into our home for three weeks.  Four months later we began the process of claiming her as our own.  This was right in line with what he had already been doing in our hearts and lives.

Are you at a season of “new step?”  What has God been doing in your life?  What is he doing now?  What could he be doing that is right in line with what he has already been doing in your life?  Consider being bold enough to dip your toe in the Jordan.  I am.  Leave me a comment about your “new step.”  I’ll be praying for you!

Father, thank you that every new step that you bring into our lives is right in line with what you have already been doing.  Help me to take the time to consider what you have been doing and give me the boldness to step forward in faith.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Related resources:

Fields of the Fatherless, Tom Davis

Adopted for Life, Russell Moore

Frontier Horizon

Lifesong for Orphans

Application Steps:

Take a few minutes and jot down what God has been doing in your life.  Think about your childhood, your adolescence, your young adult years, and where you are right now.  What are the key events?  Connect the dots and get a picture of what he has already been doing.  Now open your heart and ask him if there is a next step that is right in line with what he has already been doing.  Dip your toe in the Jordan and dare him to pile up the waters.

Reflections:

What keeps you from taking a step of faith?  What keeps you from dipping your toe in the Jordan?

Is there someone in your life who you can ask to pray for you to boldly take a step of faith?

Going Deeper:

Read Joshua 1:5-6.  What promise does God make to Joshua that will enable him to be strong and very courageous?  How does this bring comfort and courage to your heart as you consider dipping your toe in the Jordan?

“An angel spoke to me by the word of the Lord.”  1 Kings 13:17

Pretty compelling words, right?  If someone said that to you, you’d want to hear what they had to say, right?  But the problem is this.  The person lied.

Join me in the courtyard of the temple in Bethel.  Jeroboam, king of Judah, is standing on the temple steps with a golden calf.  He is having a party to kick-off his new, but very old, religion.   He is just about to dedicate a new altar to his gods, when a prophet, a man of God, shows up on the temple steps.

This prophet doesn’t fool around.  He says,

“You see this altar?  One day Josiah, a king from the house of David will arise.  The bones of your priests will burn on this altar.  And just so that you know I’m telling the truth, this altar will split apart and the ashes from your sacrifices will spill into the dirt.”

As you can imagine, this puts a little damper on the king’s party.  People are getting nervous and he can tell this is going nowhere fast.  Stretching out his hand to grab this prophet, Jeroboam points his finger at the prophet and yells,

“Seize him!”

As Jereboam’s henchmen grapple around to get to the prophet, two things happen.

1.  King Jeroboam’s hand shrivels up.  Right there in front of everyone, it’s like his whole arm just dried up like beef jerky.

2.  The altar breaks apart and the ashes spill all over the ground.

As you can imagine, Jeroboam is a little bit concerned.  Now he’s not so concerned with seizing the prophet and shutting him up. He’s concerned about his arm.   He sees that this prophet has power and he wants him to pray that his arm will be healed.

Now, I might have been tempted to let Jeroboam stew for a little bit, figuratively, not literally, but this man of God is much nicer than me.  Right away, he prays and God heals his arm.  No more beef jerky.

Understandably, Jeroboam is quite impressed and just like you or I would do, invites that man of God to come on back to his house with him.

“You can freshen up, have a bite to eat.  And, I’ve got a present for you”.

“Not on your life,” the prophet says, “If you gave me half of your house for a present, I wouldn’t go with you.  Not only that, but I don’t even want your bread or water.  And let me tell you why.  God told me not to eat or drink a thing.  As a matter of fact, he told me to go home a different way.”

And that’s just what this prophet did.

As he’s going home, another prophet, an older prophet hears about what happen.  Understandably, he’s pretty impressed.  He hops on his donkey and finds the younger prophet sitting under an oak tree.

“Are you the man of God who came from Judah?”

He wants to make sure he’s got the right one.

“I am,” said the younger prophet.

“Well, then!  Come home with me and get a bite to eat.”

“Can’t do it.  God told me not to eat or drink a thing. And to go home a different way.”

Given the profession, you would think that the older prophet would appreciate this, respect his younger friend’s commitment, maybe sit under the tree with him for awhile and ask him to tell him what happened, commend him for his courage, his strength of character, pray for him, and send him on his way.  But he didn’t. Instead,

“I also am a prophet like you, and an angel spoke to me by the word of the Lord saying, ‘Bring him back with you into your house that he may eat bread and drink water.’”

Did you catch this?  The older prophet said, “An angel spoke to me by the word of the Lord.”  This was a lie.  No angel appeared to the older prophet.  No word of the Lord came to him.  Now, the younger prophet made a bad decision.  He trusted the older prophet.  He didn’t wait to hear the word of the Lord himself.  He went home with the older prophet, kicked up his feet, leaned back, and broke his fast.

While the prophets are sitting there talking all about Jeroboam, his golden calf, his broken altars, and his withered but now healed hand, the word of the Lord comes. It comes to the younger prophet.  And it’s not good

“You disobeyed me.  You came home with this man.  You ate his food.  You sat at his table.  You are going to die.”

Can you imagine?  The younger prophet had trusted the older prophet.  The older prophet had said that an angel had brought him a word from the Lord.  The younger prophet saddles up his donkey and heads out.

“As he went away a lion met him on the road and killed him.  And his body was thrown in the road, and the donkey stood beside it; the lion also stood beside the body.  And behold, men passed by and saw the body thrown in the road and the lion standing by the body.  And they came and told it in the city where the old prophet lived.”

The older prophet  knew.  His lie had cost the life of this man of God.  He saddled up his donkey and found the body of the younger prophet mauled, broken, and lying on the side of the road.  The older prophet pulled the body of the young man he should have mentored, encouraged, challenged onto the donkey and carried it back to his city where he mourned and buried him saying,

“When I die, bury me in the grave in which the man of God is buried.  Lay my bones beside his bones…What he said by the word of the Lord will surely come to pass.”

This story pierces my heart, not because of the disobedience of the younger prophet, although that is surely important.  Each of us needs to hear from God.  Each of us needs to weigh man’s counsel against the Bible before we follow it.

This story pierces my heart because of the older prophet’s casual handling of the word of God.  The older prophet wanted to hear what God had done to Jereboam’s altar and to Jereoboam’s arm.  He wanted what he wanted, and he used God’s name to get it. He lied about God’s word.

I love to study, teach, and preach God’s word.  Last weekend I was with 607 other women who love it too.  Some of them like writing more.  Some of them like speaking more.  Some are like me and love both.  But the call is a weighty one.  I feel the weight.

Over the past fifteen years I have spoken at women’s retreats and events, when asked.  I have written Bible study materials, when asked.  I have led workshops, when asked.

Right now I’ve got a book proposal that I am working on, and you better believe that not only am I checking every grammatical jot and tittle, but I am working with my pastor/theologian husband and others to make sure that I am not casually handling the word of God.  I feel the weightiness of this call.

I’m speaking at a women’s retreat in October and have been asked to speak at a leadership conference to ministry wives in June. While I’m continuing to work on my book proposal, I will be writing magazine articles and devotions and submitting them for publication.  And I would also like to secure several other speaking engagements for this school year.  I feel the weightiness of this call.

I have added “Speaking” to the top of this page.  In this tab, you can find a brief bio, speaking topics, endorsements, and how to get more information on my speaking fees and availability.  In addition you can see a ten-minute clip from the James 1:27 Dinner that Bill and I hosted to raise money for Katya’s adoption and help people see the connection between sex trafficking and the plight of the orphan.  I feel the weightiness of this call.

The older prophet’s casual handling of the word of God cost the life of a young man.

“The word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of sprit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”  Hebrews 4:11

I feel the weight of the sword. I feel the weight of this call to deliver God’s word carefully, precisely, accurately.  How about you?  Do you feel the weight of the sword?  Regardless of whether you are a speaker or a writer, the word of God is your double-edged sword.  According to Ephesians 6:17, it is actually the only weapon you have to withstand the schemes of the enemy.

Join with me gals.  Feel the weight of the word.  Don’t shrink back from the sword.  Learn how to hold it, to use it, to communicate it truthfully, carefully, intentionally.

Well, sweet friends, my blistered covered toes are buried in Carolina beach sand today. It feels good to be on this side of She Speaks and with my family.

Did I come away with a book contract?
No way. I didn’t even get my book proposal into the hands of one publisher, agent, or Indian chief.

Are you discouraged?
On Friday night, I just wanted to go fetal, or catch the next flight to Raleigh. Saturday was a different story. I pitched my premise, shared my story, and traded business cards with about a zillion women. I connected with an agent, who connected me with an author, who wants to connect me with another author. We’ll see where that goes.

What’s next?
I don’t know yet. I have a boatload of ideas, but this week is about praying and processing with my husband, and enjoying the beach with my family.

Here’s what I do know,

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.
Psalm 138:8

So this week…

no more blogging,

no tossing out $1.89 for a soft drink so I can take up a table for hours at Panera,

no researching book proposal guidelines, and

no stalking the UPS man praying that my business cards will arrive.

I’m just burying my toes in the sand, building castles with my kids, babying my husband who now has my sinus infection, and being fed by my Mom. I’m hoping for some real barbecue, some local shrimp, and some Silver Queen corn. I’ll spend time on the beach chatting it up with my sis while our husbands and the kids fly kites and skim board.

And, in the midst of all this beauty, all this blessing, Bill and I will be praying and processing, confident that God is real, he is loving, and he has purposes he promises to fulfill … for my life and for yours.

A week from today, I will be heading for She Speaks.  I still am overwhelmed when I consider God’s tenderness in caring for me in disappointment, and then blessing me beyond what I could ask or imagine.  Thank you, Lord, and thank you sweet sister!

As you can imagine there is MUCH to be done to get our family of nine ready.  One daughter flies in tonight from a month of leadership training in Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Mexico.  Another daughter flies in on Sunday from Nashville, TN after two weeks of music camp.  Again, the generosity of others has made all of this flying around possible!

But, not only are we simply trying to get out of town, but I am trying to get a book proposal ready to pitch to a couple of publishers.  This is no small feat.  I am working hard to be faithful and at the same time to trust God.  I am so excited about this project and I love everything about the writing process – research, study, praying over the words, hearing God’s voice as I write, believing that the message he’s given me has the impact to really transform lives.   But, the reality is there is a deadline and I don’t know if I’ll be ready.  Pray for me.

So, after almost of week of sore throat, achiness, and just not feeling right, yesterday afternoon was the kicker.  As Bill and I talked with our amazing counselor about life, love, careers, and kids, my right ear began to throb all the way deep into my brain, or so it felt.  (Perhaps too much detail, but I really want you to feel it with me.  BTW, we unashamedly see a counselor just about every week and I highly recommend it.)  So, you would think I would take a couple of Advil and go to bed, but, I went to Panera to kick some serious writing tail certain that I just needed to work through the pain.  What is it with us women?  Working through the pain didn’t work, and so this morning I gave in and called our doctor’s office.

I sat there saying, “You know, it probably will just go away, but we leave town in a week.  It’s probably just viral.  It’s not too bad in the morning.  I can really handle it, but I just kind of felt like I should come in.”  Why do we do this?  Why couldn’t I just say, “It hurts” because it, in fact, hurts.

So, the nurse practitioner looked in my ear and said, “You’ve got an ear infection just like a little child and a sinus infection to boot.”

I don’t think this is what Jesus meant when he said, ” Unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

But, I do think Jesus has a message for me in this:

1.  I need to not ignore pain but see it as a trigger for prayer and practicing Jesus’ presence in my life.

2.  I need to learn to look Jesus in the eye, just like a little child, and simply say, “It hurts.”

3.  I need to learn to raise my arms, crawl into his lap and rest, even when a deadline is looming.

He’s not surprised by my childlike ear infection.  He’s not worried about the deadline.  This really is his project and my job is just to be faithful.  He can open whatever doors he wants.

So, gals, is there pain in your life that you’re ignoring?  Do you need to stop trying to make the pain look pretty and just say, “It hurts?”  Do you need to lay aside your serious tail-kicking agenda and just crawl into Jesus’ lap for some rest?  His yoke is easy and his burden is light.  Put it on him.  And, if you leave me a comment, I’ll pray for you to do that very thing.

who needs a hosting family for July 20-August 7.   She is a twin, very affectionate, and a bundle of energy.   We spent time with her in Ukraine when we were adopting Katya.  It is *possible* that she and her identical sister will be available for adoption later on this year, but there is absolutely no guarantee.

Oh, how Bill and I would love to have her here, but Katya is our daughter and needs to experience a first time meeting Nana and Granddaddy Phil, a first trip to the beach and a first family vacation with just her mom, dad, and six brothers and sisters.

The hosting fee is already covered, although a contribution to Frontier Horizon is always appreciated.  So, if you or someone you  know is interested in finding out about a 9-year old cutie-patootie please email me.

cfinley@evergreenchurch.com

As you know, I don’t usually give out my email address, but this is worth the risk!

…Christ has many services to be done. Some are easy, others are difficult. Some bring honour, others bring reproach. Some are suitable to our natural inclinations and temporal interests, others are contrary to both… Yet the power to do all these things is given to us in Christ, who strengthens us.

I am no longer my own, but thine.

Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.

Put me to doing, put me to suffering.

Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee,

exalted for thee or brought low for thee.

Let me be full, let me be empty.

Let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

thou art mine, and I am thine.

So be it.

And the covenant which I have made on earth,

let it be ratified in heaven.

Amen.

I was reminded of this prayer by my sweet friend, Kate.  Her heart burns hot for disabled orphans in Africa, and yet she is fixing her eyes of Jesus and looking to him to direct her heart and her footsteps.   She is declaring that she is Christ’s and available for him to use as he will.

The prayer originated in 1633 with a Puritan pastor.  His writing was condemned by the Archbishop of Canterbury and all copies were to be rubbed with an inky brush and sent to the kitchen fire.  Many survived, however, and one ended up in the hands of John Wesley.  So moved was he by the words of this Vindiciae Pietatis, A Vindication of Godliness, that he personally committed to them and included them in a yearly New Year’s Eve Covenant Renewal Service.

All things …

my marriage

my mothering

my ministry

for your pleasure

and your disposal.

For your pleasure and your disposal ….  I want to trust the Lord this much.  I don’t want him to have to pry my fingers open.  Today I’m asking him to help me to freely and heartily yield all things for his glory.

Are there areas of surrender in your own life?  Ambitions, hopes, plans?  Maybe you’ve surrendered some, but you suspect there’s more.   Share a comment and I’ll pray with you and for you as you join me in saying …

I am no longer my own, but thine.

… and I love it.

Remember when I mentioned Sara Maria’s trip to Columbia 6 years ago when she was only 11?  Columbia, kidnapping capital of the world?  She had asked me if she could really pray for anything.

I responded, “Sure, Honey, if you’re open to God saying ‘Yes,’ ‘No,’ or ‘Wait,’” fully thinking I knew exactly what God would say when she prayed, “God, open the way for me to go to Columbia.”

So, our beautiful, bouncing, bold daughter went with us and while she found her niche in the barrio, she nearly gave a couple of our team members heart failure by her disdain for potential danger.  Such is the heart of an 11-year old tree-climbing, Redwall-reading, Robin Hood-playing tomboy.

She left home on June 23rd to participate in Compass, a leadership conference for rising high school seniors who are considering a future in ministry.  She loved her La Vida experience, enjoyed her classroom time, but when I read this quote on the Compass Blog, I nearly cried…

By early afternoon each team was at its site. Tom’s group is at Iglesia Biblica Cristo Promesa Fiel, a new independent church plant that meets at a storefront children’s party room in the north part of Mexico City near the Basilica of Guadalupe, one of the most famous sites in Mexico City. Today the group visited the basilica. Chris’s team is at Iglesia Nacional Presiteriana Bethesda, an established Presbyterian church in the northeast side of Mexico City near the airport. Lane’s team is at Casa Hogar Emmanuel, a Christan orphanage for boys and girls established 14 years ago on the southeastern outskirts of Mexico City in Chalco. Lane’s group is partnering with and staying at a nearby church, Iglesia Valle de Chalco.

Sara Maria is with Lane’s group.  Lane’s group is partnering with an orphanage run by a couple who have adopted 18 of the kids.  Lane’s group is connected and staying with a local church.

I nearly cried…

not because I’m afraid of the danger, although it’s real,

not because I miss my daughter so much, because I do,

but because I am in awe of the God who says.

I know the plans I have for you … plans for good and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Orphanage.  Adoption.  Local church.  Six years ago, God proved me wrong when I thought I knew his plans.  He proved me wrong when I wanted to keep my daughter “safe.” And through the years I have learned and am continuing to learn to trust him with my life, but what’s even harder, to trust him with my children.

I can’t wait to hear what the Lord does in her and through her in Mexico.  I can’t wait to see his plans unfold for this daughter of mine who still loves to climb trees, read Redwall, and build hide-outs in the woods behind our house.

If you’re struggling with trusting God with your children … do it.  Trust him.  And trust me, he’s up to something really good.

Katya was with us for a 3-week visit.  One year ago, she was in an orphanage camp where the counselors twisted the children’s arms when they didn’t cooperate.  Some landed in the hospital … in traction.

Tonight Katya began to share of an experience when a lady with blond hair threatened to cut off some part of some boys’ anatomy because of something they did.  Katya still is too ashamed to share with me what they did.  I’m waiting … seething, praying … but waiting.

As we sit on our deck, enjoying shrimp and orzo salad, talking about the library, the pool, fireflies, it’s easy to forget where Katya came from.  It’s easy to forget, say we’ve done our deal, and close our eyes to the 27 million people who are enslaved today.  To forget what would likely have been Katya’s future along with the 60% of Ukrainian girls who leave the orphanage and somehow enter the sex industry.  Watch this video and join me in asking, “What is my part?”

“You can trust me with your children.

You can trust me.”

This message was loud and clear over the months and weeks as Bill and I watched and waited for direction. We have homeschooled  with a desire to keep it up through middle school.  But, through my own weariness this spring and through Bill’s urging, I began to unclench my fists and be willing to accept that God might lead us in a different direction.  I began to see that homeschooling had become an idol for me.  Homeschooling wasn’t and isn’t bad.  Holding onto it … that’s what is bad.

God has proven himself trustworthy time and time again, leading and even more preciously, accompanying us on adventure after adventure…

Seminary – We left family and friends for the great unknown of Massachusetts

Babies – Six within seven years, I surrendered my body, my career, and my identity to his care

Church planting –  We chose to move to Charlottesville to start a church without job or housing while pregnant with our fourth child.

Homeschooling – Eleven years ago, when the only person that I knew who homeschooled was Sue, my sister-in-law, who lived hours from me, we said, “Yes.”

Ukraine –  We said , “Let’s go!” when invited on a ministry trip not having any idea that this would lead to Katya, our 7th child, joining our family 20 months later.

So, it really doesn’t surprise me that God showed himself so trustworthy, so faithful, so absolutely gentle, tender and intimate when I slowly…

Opened my fist

Lifted my gaze

and loosely held homeschooling out to him, like a little child

I held it out to him and asked him, “What do you want ?”

Day after day asking, praying, journaling … “What you want, Jesus.  What you want is what I want.”

He didn’t tell us right away.  He didn’t tell us with a lightning bolt.  But he tenderly, gently, personally he did speak.

Through his word

In prayer

Through friends and family

And in circumstance after circumstance.

Years ago, Anne Lotz counseled Bill and I on our decision to move to MA for seminary.  As we shared with her what we were considering she asked us,

“How is God speaking to your heart as you read his word?

How is he leading your heart as you pray?

What do your family and close friends say?

What are the circumstances that lead you to think this could be God’s will?”

She led us through the “Landing Lights” of knowing God’s will.  Picture a plane descending through inky darkness.  One by one the landing lights along the runway line up and give direction and the pilot can bring that plane down safely.  Nineteen years later, I still use these landing lights to make decisions, and I share them with other gals who are trying to discern God’s will.

These four runway lights are not equal.  The Bible is absolutely primary, foundational, essential.  I cannot emphasize this enough.  God will never, never, never lead you into anything that contradicts his word.  If you are not in the habit of reading God’s word, get into the habit today.  When young women come to me with questions about life, relationships, decisions, as I listen to them talk, I am first listening to hear whether or not they are reading the Bible regularly, methodically, and prayerfully.  If they’re not reading the Bible, my counsel means little, their circumstances mean little, the inclination of their hearts mean little.  If you want to know God’s will, first and foremost, get in the word.  You can always, always, always trust God’s word. (Psalm 119, 2 Timothy 3:16)

Next is the direction your heart is leaning, your personal conviction,  as you pray both intentionally and as you talk with God through your day.  Of course, you have to be careful of trusting your heart, but, IF you are reading the Bible,  purposely seeking God, and asking the Spirit to give you understanding he will incline your heart toward what he desires.  He will teach you, lead you, direct your path.  If your heart truly is directed toward him, he promises to even hold your feet to his path.  (Proverbs 2, 1 Samuel 2:9, John 16)  You can trust, along with Augustine, “Love God and do what you want.”

What do your friends and family say?  This should carry less weight that the inclination of your heart and any counsel that contradicts the Bible should be totally ignored and tossed out.  But, pick a few friends and, if possible, family members who love the Lord, love you, and truly desire God’s best for you.  Ask them what they think. Listen, really listen. And then take their counsel before the Lord.  (Proverbs 12:15 and 15:22)

And lastly, and I mean lastly, what circumstances are lining up?  This is the least trustworthy, because sometimes God uses challenging situations to increase our resolve to follow his path.  As a young Christian, a Bible study teacher told me, “Be sure your motivation is behind you.  God doesn’t want you to be a donkey chasing a carrot.  When he gives you marching orders, don’t look for a carrot, just obey.”   When you’re following God, you should anticipate that you’ll face roadblocks, pitfalls, and even get waylaid by bandits. But, in addition to the hindrances most likely the Lord will give you encouragement that you really are on the right path.  Doors that should be closed will open.  God will provide in miraculous ways.

As we read the word, prayed, sought the counsel of a few friends and family, we saw the runway lights blink on beneath our plane.  One by one they came on, and stayed on.

God gave us assurance again and again through his word in so many passages that he personally would never leave us or forsake us.  And then, one Thursday as Josiah and Cameron visited Buford, and then on Friday as Adelyn visited Charlottesville High School, I sat at Panera with my Bible and my journal.  My scheduled reading that day was Psalm 102 …

Let this be recorded for a generation to come,

so that a people YET TO BE CREATED may praise the LOrd

that he looked down from his holy height;

from heaven the LORD looked at the earth

to HEAR …

to SET FREE …

that they may declare … the name of the Lord …

The children of your servants SHALL DWELL SECURE;

Their offspring SHALL BE ESTABLISHED before you.

As Adelyn visited a public school, an urban school that reflects the diversity of our city, a school for which we will have to pay tuition for her to attend, God spoke to me through his word…

Confirming

Assuring

and giving us VISION beyond the safety of our children.  Not only do I need help, not only do I need rest, not only will the kids benefit from structure, sports, classes, orchestra, and more, but we gain a platform for impacting our city.  This decision isn’t just for me.  It’s not even just for our children.  It’s for kids and parents we don’t even know yet.

When I picked Adelyn up, I was so excited to share what God had spoken to me, what I had journaled as I prayed and read, but I asked, “So, how was it?”

“I love it!  I love the environment, the diversity.  I love it!”  she answered.

And I smiled and share.

“Cool!”  she said.

Through the Bible, through the inclination of our hearts, through words of encouragement from  friends and family (Thank you!) and through circumstances, the Lord directed our decision making, and we’re excited.

Next year Sara Maria will be a senior at Covenant, the school she has attended since 10th grade.

Grace will also be a senior, taking classes at our local community college.

Adelyn will be in 9th grade at Charlottesville High School.

Josiah (8th grade) and Cameron (7th grade) will both be at Buford Middle School.

Piper (5th grade) will be home with me.  This chick-a-dee thrives on time with me and I’m looking forward to giving it to her.

We’re still waiting for the landing lights to line up  for Katya.  After ESL testing last week, we’re considering having her go to a local school where a dear friend of ours is the principal.   I’ll keep you posted on this!

God changed my “Not this!” to “Yes this!  Take it.  Take it all.  Take anything that would hinder me from anything that would keep me from you!”  He’s so faithful.  And he will never leave you or forsake you.  (Joshua 1)

What about you?  Is there something you’re holding onto?  Is there a decision you’re asking him about?  Leave me a comment and I’ll pray for you!